the stopped show

hello again.

i spent my time today thinking about a particular topic, which is most often talked about as the principle of if they wanted, they would. its a really interesting idea, and up until recently, i always ended up dismissing it. in my experience, it never applied to me, or so i thought.

we spend our lives doing what we see as the best thing to do. be aware, im not saying its exactly the “best thing to do”, but it is what we think is good for us. in some individuals, this can be pretty close to what is actually good for them, in other individuals, not so much. a lot of us struggle with mental health issues; depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and many others. this “impairment” ends up shifting our internal compass towards things that are very much not good for us. just think of eating disorders or self harming.

but even if that all applies, we still end up doing what our mind thinks is best for us and what will give us the most benefit, utility or pleasure. for some reason, i didnt apply this onto relationships and friendships until now. i, pretty naively, always believed people know what they want. when someone told me, even though they didnt seem interested in talking to me at all, that they would love to talk to me if they had the “time”, i believed that, most of the time.

now comes the principle of if they wanted, they would. the reason why i always dismissed that was because “this doesnt apply to me”, as when i said similar things, i always thought they were true. looking back now, if i truly wanted to do all those things i was talking about, i shouldve just done them.

did i want to talk to someone so badly? i couldve.

did i really want to start that hobby? i couldve.

but i kept on hoping that just thinking about wanting to do something is the same as truly wanting it. it never was. if we truly want to do something, we dont just say it, we go through obstacles to do it, we “create” time to do it, we spend a lot of energy on making it real. we dont wait till tomorrow or until the mood is better or until the stars align. we go and get it.

dont get me wrong, it really sucks when someone keeps telling you how much they want to do something, like talk to you or do some hobby for example, but they never seem to match their words with actions. but, in my opinion, its not done out of harmful intentions. i think that even the people who say these things dont realize that they truly dont want something, and in the end they just want to convince themselves that they do. exactly like i did before.

what i want you to get out of this post is for you to sit down and really try to think about things you find important. things you want to do. things you are currently doing. how well do they match up? if they do, thats great! if not, why do they diverge?

is it because you truly dont have any time at all to act on it?

or is it because you are trying to convince yourself that you want them, even though you want different things?

how will that affect you further down in life?

how will it affect those around you?

until next time, live your life to the fullest and truest.