old acquaintance

hiya.

todays post is going to be more of a vent than something constructive, so i hope you dont mind. if you do, feel free to skip to other posts.

when i watched bojack, there was an unbeliavable amount of times that bojack did something so stupid, that it felt really unrealistic at the time. he did so many things wrong, one after each other, most of them being in essence the same, yet, he never saw them and never tried to improve his behavior. silly little horse, i thought.

two years later, and i can confidently say that i have replicated that behavior accurately. ive done a lot of things wrong with many people, most of these just being repetitions of my old mistakes, yet i never fully realized, nor did i try to truly improve from them and change. i have no idea why that is, as the people that i love and that i have around me have expressed their concerns many times, recommended therapy, or outright left because they were too tired of dealing with me.

i call those people old acquaintaces, as they arent (mostly) mad or spiteful at me; they are just uninterested in keeping any close relation with me, after giving it so much energy in the past. i find that totally understandable, even if it hurts.

the reason why i am writing this is because, frankly, i dont have anyone specific to tell this all to, so i figured yapping about my issues on my random website could make it “romantic” or something.

ill cut this short, as i learned that venting is actually a coping mechanism, for the most part; which means that it doesnt fix anything, as coping mechanisms just dont fix problems that make you cope in the first place.

thank you for reading this, and at last, live your life to the fullest and truest.