lets find out

hiii.

todays post is going to be a little different from all the others.

for the past few weeks, ive been thinking about how i want to structure my life, and more importantly, my mindset. are there things i could improve on the way i think about stuff? if so, what are they?

and i think i actually figured out how to improve it massively.

for as long as i can remember, i always thought about things like “how do i make it work? how do i make this person like me? how do i make the world like me?”. i i i, everything was about me doing something to get some kind of a “reward”. to be liked. to be loved.

and its quite natural, isnt it? at the end of the day, people just want to be loved, so they bend over backwards just to feel that slight bit of interest from people, to feel a little bit of care and love from people they admire.

its the same as when bojack stole the D from the holywoo(d) sign. he didnt do it because he felt that its the right thing to show love to diane, he did it because he wanted to impress her, and to make her fall for him. silly horse.

but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that i dont really enjoy living life this way very much. yes, the attention and love is nice, but i felt like something was missing. that i was just running from one catastrophe to another, that there was always something that will ruin everything just around the corner.

why did i even live life in this way to begin with? honestly, who the fuck knows. maybe my parents didnt love me they way i needed, maybe my first girlfriend hurt me, maybe some friend said something so mean that it traumatized me forever and i dont even know about it. its not important, as to change your mindset in this, you dont have to realize all of the past hurts, and dwelling on them is going to do you more harm than good.

what if you could live life differently?

i didnt enjoy living like i described, so i changed it. i no longer look to be liked, im looking to like.

instead of “how do i make it work?”, i think “how will it work for me?”. instead of “how do i make this person like me?”, i think “how will this person feel for me?”. instead of “how do i make the world like me?”, i think “how will the world make me like it?”.

its such a subtle shift, but it works so well. i no longer focus on what i am supposed to be, what society or people around me want me to be. i want to be what will make me happy. i want to live a life, where the most impressed person by all of this is going to be me. instead of feeling like life is coming at me, im trying to feel that life is coming from me.

this has also transformed my relationships a ton. im no longer sitting on my phone like a crack addict waiting for his hit of new texts and responses. i just live my life, and text with people i like. maybe the texting isnt particularly fun. thats cool. i dont have to carry the conversation to be liked. i want a conversation that is going to make me enjoy it, and if it doesnt, then i can just go and do other things that are more enjoyable.

be beauty. be self caring. stop making yourself a puppet to others. you arent supposed to fill their desires. you are supposed to fill your desires. go on that walk. buy that thing youve been wanting to buy. pick up that hobby youve been putting off. talk to that girl or boy that you admire so much. just fucking live for yourself. make yourself happy. make yourself proud. impress yourself. create things. create art. create meaningful projects that fill you up with joy.

what does live have for us? lets find out. what will the cute girl think about me? lets find out. what will i do in two weeks from now on? you guessed it, lets find out.

and at last, live your life to the fullest and truest.